Tuesday I had the wonderful luxury of touring the Hillsborough County Medical Examiner’s office. My night after the tour was filled with candy self medication and horrible nightmares of empty brain cavities.
Cue shiver up spine.
I was informed of the office’s two main priorities: to investigate suspicious and unusual deaths, and to dispose of unclaimed bodies. They use autopsy as an investigative tool (not as a gross out factor like many Hollywood productions).
The trip, while informative, was a total disaster for me. One of our first stops was the ominous file room where we were informed that each file was color coded in accordance to cause of death. If you’ve never known anyone to die an unexpected death, then you might have listened to the information given to you and walked on to the next part of the tour. If you have, you find yourself wondering if the loved ones you buried were also reduced to pieces of paper with a yellow and black sticker tacked to them. Then these thoughts spiral to the realization that each and every file was once a human being with a smile, a laugh and a life however they chose to live it. To simply color code death seems to take an air of respect from it.
Black- Traffic Accident
White- Non Traffic Accident
Yellow- Suicide
Red- Homicide
Still reeling from this depressing observation we were taken through the labs, a “safe” zone for the squeamish, unless you caught sight of the vials of blood on the way out the door.
But the WORST part of the trip, the part that makes me forget about anything informative I learned, was the autopsy room. When offered the chance to either go in or stay behind I assumed Shari Armstrong, who had previously stated “I will NOT be viewing any autopsies,” would have my back and stay behind. Oh no, I was forced out of my little shell of comfort and safety to accompany her into the autopsy room along with the rest of the class. Upon my first steps into the room I was really proud, ready to give myself a pat on the back. Then I saw the empty brain cavity of some poor human being, and I’ve never been so thankful that I forgot to each lunch. The rest of my time in the autopsy room was spent looking at any surface that didn’t have a body on it and trying to avoid vomiting.
It was only when I was out of the room and my brain function had returned that I realized this happens to all suspicious or unusual cases. In 2006 I buried a close friend who died in a traffic collision and it calms me to know her body was never put through an autopsy before she was cremated. In 2008 a best friend of mine died of causes that had to be investigated and the knowledge that at some point, his body was on a metal slab like that utterly breaks my heart. Now when the empty brain cavity flashes in my head it has a name, a face, a laugh and a smile.
Caitlin, I can empathize with you how it must have felt to lose your close friends. My condolences. I was not ready to see an autopsy that day. We are journalism students, not medical students. As I was staring at the body laying there with the insides exposed, I thought to myself, "This used to be somebody's loved one." Similar to your thoughts, they had a name, a face, a laugh, and a smile.
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